Did he push for quick involvement? Roses, words like “I think I’m falling in love with you.” Texts constantly. Comes on strong.

Possessive of your time and attention. Jealous if you spend time with ex partners. Upset about you going out because you might meet someone.

Questions you, especially if you are late: Where we you? Whom did you talk with? Might control your finances or online presence, or insist he drives you to and from work.

Expects you to meet his needs, constantly, while failing to meet your needs.

Cuts you off from your friends and family. Has especially harsh words about friends who don’t like him. Forbids you from spending time with certain people.

He will rarely say “I’m sorry, I made a mistake.” Instead, you feel like you are constantly the one apologizing for a disagreement.

Instead of saying “I am angry” or “I broke the glass” he will say “you made me angry” or “You made me so upset that I broke that glass.”

He is easily insulted, and will often pretend to be sad or despondent when he is really angry.

Can go from screaming and crying to perfectly calm in an instant. No one other than you has seen his rage. You walk on eggshells.

Punishes, hurts, or kills animals. Overestimates children, expecting them to self soothe, be toilet trained, or read before they are ready. Exposes children to more advanced sexual content than age-appropriate.

May hold you down against your will, may prefer sex when if you are submissive, nonconsenting, uncomfortable, or in pain.

Constant criticism alone and in front of others. Says cruel, hurtful things, degrades you, reminds you how weak and useless you are. One type of verbal abuse is the “silent treatment.”

Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home, do the chores, bear his children, care for him. Will be angry if you have a career or make more money than he does.

He will often tell you openly that he abused, hurt, or assaulted prior partners, but he always has an excuse about why he did it. He does not see a parallel with his prior assaults and an ‘actual’ abusive partner. You haven’t met his exes.

He might say “I’ll kill you if you don’t do that for me.” and later that he “was joking.” He will be angry that you didn’t understand it was a joke.

He will charm people very close to you, as long as they are susceptible to his manipulation. You might hear “he’s the best thing to happen to you,” or “we are only inviting you two to spend time with him.”

Does not celebrte your successes. Pouts when you beat him in board games, sports events, or any possible competition. May tend to get angry, violent, or pull away when you have a win at work.

He claims he is good at eveything: sex, driving, house repairs, financial planning, work, caring for animals or kids. He convinces you that you are bad at these things. And, you see him making mistakes at everything he claims he’s an expert at.